what it all comes down to

after three weeks of school
and campus and fast food
after three weeks of getting to
know new
people new
culture new lifestyles new all
after three weeks of time difference of not
being home and not
seeing those who love und who know you
after three weeks of having the same conversations all over
hello where’re you from Germany that’s awesome where in Germany never heard of it gotta go have a good one
after three weeks of knowing that we’d leave soon enough too soon much too
soon
after three weeks of making friends but not making coffee
of being taken care of no matter what comes up
of not having to go grocery shopping
of learning to order at starbucks and to
customize
everything
cause everyone customizes
everything here
after three weeks of eating burritos and drinking soda and
three weeks of free refills and all you can eat
of blue shirts are everywhere and identification
with school
country state
sports
of trying to figure out the shortest ways to faraway buildings on campus
of trying to figure out the shortest ways to faraway buildings off campus
of trying to figure out the shortest ways to making real friends
and let us
be honest: who would we want to build up friendships with
if we knew they were leaving soon enough much too
soon
after three weeks of being in a group of twenty that feels like you’d known them forever for years but surely not
for three weeks
after three weeks of wifi-problems and sharing a room and language emersion and big cars and enormously huge paper cups of sweet tea of baseball and history of African Americans and all that and much more

what it all comes down to
after three weeks
is
it’s getting too complicated to summarize
it’s changed from a state of being somewhere to a
state of being someone
a state of having arrived and now dealing with it
and not wondering anymore about
customizing everything and even
enjoying it
and not wondering anymore about
the doors which have locks that open the other way around –
you turn the key right –
and knowing where to go and where your place is
and where not
it’s changed from a state of asking your way around
to explaining the way to other people
to a state where you know what shoe size you are
how to dial a cell phone
what it all comes down to
after three weeks
is
that nothing is black or white
and that there are always people you’ll be surfing on the same wave with
and that there is room to grow and things to find out
that what appears as naivety is optimism
and what appears as optimism is naivety all the same
that taking pride in oneself can lead to
george bush
but also to ella fitzgerald
that optimism and self-confidence make people sing and dance and become
the greatest musicians
the greatest sportsmen
the greatest thinkers
writers
researchers
but that optimism and self-confidence can be
arrogance and ignorance just as well
what it all comes down to
after three weeks
is
that people are different
everywhere
that you have to find your crowd
no matter where you are
and I have to find my crowd
no matter where I am
what it all comes down to
after three weeks
is
that it’s hard to leave a place that you’ve just gotten used to
that it’s hard to leave people that you’ve just gotten attached to
that when I asked what people think my experiences were they said
draconic liqueur laws, overbearing religious culture, - *censored* – music scene
that I’ve found my crowd

what it all comes down to after three weeks, as short a time as that might seem:
it doesn’t come down to anything
anymore
it’s become too much
it’s become part of
me